As adults, we often have large networks but few friends. How do you turn acquaintances into true friends? Here are 4 ways to deepen your friendships.

Get more vulnerable:

One popular misconception is that vulnerability burdens others. Instead, research finds that others judge us less for our vulnerability than we assume, and in fact, our vulnerability makes others view us positively, as more authentic and honest. This explains why a meta-analysis found that people like others more who intimately disclose. As one of my friends put it, “you can only trust that someone truly loves you if they truly know you.”

Affirm Others:

Oprah said “Every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: ‘Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you?” She’s right. While we may think making friends is about being charismatic, funny, or witty, it’s actually about showing people you value them. One study followed college student pairs to determine whether they’d become and stay friends. The pairs were more likely to stay friends when they consistently affirmed one another. Compliment your friends more, send them thoughtful cards, praise their success, and tell them how much they mean to you.

Lend Support in Times of Need:

Communal relationships, according to Dr. Margaret Clark, are the closest relationships of our lives. Their defining characteristic is people in them support each other when in need. One study found that when people felt supported by a friend, they felt closer to them, and more satisfied and energized by the friendship. Our crises can be an opening for deep connection when we show up for each other.

Find a Regular Time to See One Another:

In journalist Billy Baker’s book, We Need to Hang Out: A Memoir of Making Friends, he finds himself nearing middle age and lacking friends. He tries several tactics to strengthen his bonds. The one that ultimately works is scheduling a regular time to meet up with friends. Sociologists say that continuous unplanned interaction and shared vulnerability create the perfect atmosphere for friendship. As children in school, we accessed these ingredients, but as adults, we likely need to create them. We can plan a weekly book club, picnic, or dinner to deepen our friendships.

For more on friendship, order my book: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make- and Keep -Friends.

Note: This article is cross-posted on my Psychology Today blog.