5 Ways to Make Friends When Working Remotely

Women in wheelchair on her laptop

Working from home has its advantages, but a sense of community is not one of them. Still, we should try to make friends when working remotely because feeling connected at work is necessary for our fulfillment in our jobs and lives. Research finds, for example, that people with friends at work are more satisfied with and perform better at their jobs. Lonely employees, in contrast, are less productive and more likely to leave their jobs.

So what does it take to make friends at work? Here are some tips:

1. Schedule an informal meeting just to chat

You can’t build a friendship if you only ever talk about work. One study found that while people feel closer the more time they spent together, this wasn’t true at work. In fact, the more time people spent together at work, the less close they felt. This is likely because when we only focus on work, we don’t reveal anything about ourselves. If you want to make friends at work stop talking about work.

2. Make informal meetings consistent

Friendship is not built from one interaction; it grows gradually.  According to the mere exposure effect, we unconsciously like those we are more exposed to. Scheduling an informal chat is great, but this chat needs to repeat for a friendship to develop. The best way to do this is to put a standing meeting on your calendars ,  perhaps once a week or once a month, depending on preference.

3. Share more of yourself

Now that you stopped talking about work, start sharing stories. According to a meta-analysis (which combines data from multiple studies), people like people who disclose about themselves. Another study found that when people answered a series of intimate question, they felt closer afterward. Use interesting questions to make friends when working remotely. Some good options are: What do you do for fun? What were you like in high school? What is something you unlearned recently? What’s on your bucket list? When’s the last time you were fascinated?

4. Express praise

We often think likable people are funny or smart or charismatic, but the secret to being likable is actually to like people. According to the theory of inferred attraction, people like people who they think like them. Co-workers will be more likely to want to be your friend if you show them you like them, by doing things like greeting them warmly, speaking highly of them, and celebrating their success.

5. Repot friendships

“Repotting,” according to Ryan Hubbard, founder of the Kitestring Project, means varying the settings in which you interact. The more friends repot, according to one study, the deeper the friendships. That means if you only ever interact at work, it’ll be hard to strengthen your bond. Instead, go to the museum, or happy hour, or have your co-worker over for dinner. You can even ask remote colleagues who live in your area to co-work with you. Repotting will elevate the friendship from work bae to full-fledged bud.

For more on friendship, order my book: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make- and Keep -Friends.

Note: This article is cross-posted on Psychology Today blog.

 

 

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