Make friends? You mean do the exact thing that makes my heart palpate with stress, my mind remind me of how much everyone hates me, and my body want to escape? If you struggle with social anxiety, making friends is hard. 

Affirmations can shift your perspective and help you navigate social situations with more confidence and ease. Here are five to help soothe your social anxiety: 

1. Everyone is self-conscious sometimes. Having these thoughts is human. 

Psychiatrist Harry Stack Sullivan argues that shame makes us feel unhuman, uniquely deficient compared to everyone else. Reminding yourself that feeling anxious in social situations is normal combats this shame. Your anxiety does not define your worth or capabilities. Everyone has these insecurities sometimes.

2. People are much more focused on themselves than me. 

Often, we overestimate how much attention others are paying to us. In reality, people are usually more focused on themselves. In a classic psychology experiment, people were told to watch people passing a basketball. In the middle of the experiment, a man dressed in a gorilla suit walked through the video and thumped his chest. Around half of the participants don’t notice. We pay what’s called  “selective attention” and ignore the rest. And we tend to selectively attend to ourselves, so no one’s picking up on that thing you said as much as you are. 

3. Even when I’m awkward, I can give myself compassion. 

Awkwardness is not a sign of an interaction gone wrong. It’s a sign that an interaction is happening. Plus, often when we think we are coming off as awkward, we are not. For example, one study found that when we show affection, we predict that others view this as more awkward than they actually do. In fact, recipients of affection felt even better than senders predicted they would. 

4. These worries will pass. 

Remember that feelings of anxiety and worry are temporary. Stressful events impact us longer and more greatly when we see stress as permanent. Remind yourself that your worries will fluctuate, and you won’t always be as worried as you may be in a particular moment. 

5. I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. 

Here’s something ironic. When we give up on trying to be perfect in our social interactions, people tend to like us more. One study found that when participants did not engage in safety behaviors, which are actions taken to protect them from rejection (like talking non-stop), people reported wanting to be their friend. Why? Letting go of these behaviors allowed them to be more present and engaged. Trying to be perfect and avoid any signs of rejection makes us distracted and disconnected. Your value lies in being your authentic self, not in meeting unrealistic expectations.