One year on Halloween, I wore a grey blazer that I first bought for graduate school interviews and a slightly creepy white mask with gold and black trimming. Only my eyes, mouth, and nostrils jutted out of the mask’s holes. I told people my costume was the “mask you wear at work.” It took me about a month to later realize I was using my Halloween costume to express what I wasn’t yet ready to admit—that I hated my job.

I love thinking about Halloween as an opportunity to express sides of yourself you don’t yet feel safe expressing elsewhere. And I love thinking about friendship this way too. So does Anais Nin, the French Cuban writer who once said, “Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” There are parts of us we only ever get to know around certain friends.

This Halloween, I encourage you to reflect on the questions below:

1. Who are you around each of your closest friends? Around whom are you the funniest? Most charming? Calmest? Most extroverted? Most profound? Most authentic?
2. What it is about each friend that activates these sides of you?
3. Which parts of yourself (from question 1) do you want to experience more of?

Reflecting on these questions can help you:

1. Prioritize spending time with friends who bring out your favorite version of yourself.
2. Vet new friends to find people who bring out your favorite version of yourself (i.e., who have the qualities you used to answer question 2 above).

For those who celebrate—Happy Halloween! And Happy Friending!