The thirties are the “decade where friendships go to die,” according to Lydia Denworth, author of Friendship: The Evolution, Biology and Extraordinary Power of Life’s Fundamental Bond. As someone in my thirties, I understand why. Compared to our twenties, we have less energy, are more picky about what we want to do, and have more obligations (work, family, etc.)
Here are some tips to keep our friendships alive, even when you’re busy.
Maintaining friendships can be challenging, between work, family, and personal obligations, finding time to nurture our relationships can often take a back seat. However, research underscores the significant benefits of maintaining strong social connections. As individuals with close friendships report higher levels of happiness and friendships reduce your risk of high blood pressure and depression. Here are five practical tips to help you stay connected with your friends, even when life gets busy.
- Invite Friends to Meet Up in a Group
Don’t have time to see everyone one-on-one? Group gatherings maintain multiple friendships at once and research indicates that when our friends are friends, our friendships are more sustainable. Now one person reaching out keeps us all connected. So consider a dinner party, a game night, or a casual coffee meet-up for your next catch up rather than scheduling 4 separate happy hours.
- Use Your Commute to Call a Friend and Catch Up
If you have a daily commute, whether it’s 5 minutes or fifteen, use this time to catch up with friends. Research shows that we often underestimate how much our friends appreciate when we reach out to check in with them. So, next time you’re stuck in traffic or riding the train, consider calling a friend to chat.
- Ask Your Friends to Join in on Your Day-to-Day Tasks
Invite your friends to join you in everyday tasks like going to the gym, grocery shopping, or running errands. For example, one friend once told me she felt lonely working from home so I suggested she “make your colleagues your friends” and now she co-works with friends weekly. In Big Friendship, Aminatou Sou and Ann Friedman argue that there’s an intimacy to doing the mundane together; running errands together won’t just be efficient. It also might bring you closer.
- Communicate Your Busyness and Reassure Your Friends
Busy people lose friends because friends assume unavailability is rejection. It’s a fair assumption since some do use perpetual busyness as a passive way to end a relationship. To make sure your friend knows you still care, be sure to be honest with them about your life and reassure them that you value them: Hey, I’m going through a busy time, so I might not be able to show up as much as I used to. I wanted to be upfront so you knew I value our friendship and that if I had more time, I’d love to see you more.
- Invite your Friends Into Your Friction
Rosie Spinks argues that we don’t invite friends into the “friction” of our lives. We only see them when our houses are clean, we’re energized, or our kids are behaving well. What if we invited friends into the imperfect parts of our lives? Maybe we’re exhausted at the end of the day and just want to watch television, and we welcome our friends to do that with us. Maybe we’re doing laundry and inviting our friends to bring a chore too. The things that preoccupy us, turning us away from our friends, can become the things that bond us.
