The Science of Networking

This article was co-authored by Lisa Curtis, CEO of Kuli Kuli Foods.

With the COVID-19 pandemic surging unemployment to rates that rival those of the Great Depression, many of us are looking for work. “You’re going to have to network,” the adage goes. But how exactly do we do that? Networking might mean reaching out to our LinkedIn contacts who are in a field we want to be in, or asking some of our old co-workers for any leads. We hope, in these conversations, that whoever we’re networking with will give us something—maybe throw an opportunity our way, or put us in touch with someone else who might. But how do we get them to help us?

It’s simple. We help them.

The one question that will make you a master networking is “what can I do to support you?” The best connectors are the best givers. They understand that people are most motivated to help those who have given to them, and that their giving isn’t ever a loss, but a gain for them in the long run.

Networking and Reciprocity Theory

Reciprocity theory posits that people get back what they give. Consider a classic study, conducted in 1971 by Dennis T. Regan, that tested this idea. Regan had participants come into the lab, and interact with another “student” who was really a confederate, or a spy for the researcher. The confederate behaved pleasantly (by answering a call, during the experiment, politely) or unpleasantly (by answering the call abrasively, hanging up on the caller) during the experiment. Later on, the confederate left the participant alone in the lab for two minutes. The confederate either returned with a coke for the participant or with nothing. Then, the confederate asked the participant to buy raffle tickets they were selling.

When did participants buy a raffle ticket? When they got a coke! Participants were more likely to buy a raffle ticket from the confederate who was unpleasant, but gave them a coke, than from the one who was pleasant but gave them nothing. These results suggest that when we’re deciding who to give to, we prioritize people who have given to us, even above people we like.

But what can I give?

“What exactly do I have to give?” you may wonder. Many things! You don’t necessarily have to give something tangible. Offer to put people in touch with someone in your network who might help them. Endorse them on LinkedIn. Email their boss and tell them how great they are. Look out for opportunities that might match their professional interests that you come across in the future.

Great networkers are great givers. If you want someone to look out for you, then look out for them. You may find that being a giver doesn’t just bring you professional success, but it also just makes you happy, bestowing you with the “helper’s high” that’s been found to decrease our stress, and up our joy. Thus, by asking “how can I best support you?” you can find both professional and personal fulfillment.