You Can Stop Forcing Yourself to Socialize

With pandemic restrictions lifting, many of us have plummeted into socializing. This was everything I missed when we were locked down, we might tell ourselves or I should hang out as much as I can because you never know when things might close down again. And yet, as we pressure ourselves to socialize, we might also feel utterly exhausted. Read on for why you can stop forcing yourself to socialize.

Why You Can Stop Forcing Yourself to Socialize

Social connection is essential for our health and well-being. Loneliness, in contrast, poisons our bodies at the same rate as smoking 15 cigarettes a day does, studies find. But that doesn’t mean we need to be socializing all the time. We can figure out the balance of socializing and alone time that works best for us. And balance might be the best option, according to a recently published study in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

The study examined the link between rates of socializing and well-being across 129,228 people in 29 European countries. When isolated people began to socialize more, they experienced a boon in their well-being, the results found. However, compared to people who socialized at moderate amounts, people who socialized at high amounts experienced diminishing returns in benefits. Socializing all the time wasn’t much better than socializing sometimes, in other words, for their well-being. These results applied, whether someone was extroverted or introverted. On the other hand, socializing at high amounts did not detract from well-being at all, so for those of us who prefer surrounding ourselves with people all day—go for it!

But for the rest of us, even as the pandemic has led us to recognize just how precious spending time with others is,  we need not drink from the connection water hose. Let go of the guilt, the pressure, to socialize. Slow down and pay attention to the rate of socializing that feels best for you. It’s o.k. to turn down that happy hour for some me-time.

For more on friendship, order my book: Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make- and Keep -Friends.

Note: This article is cross-posted on my Psychology Today blog.

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